Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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