listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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