Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
birth control should be required to get into college
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
