Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
