i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
