Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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