i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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