just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
