Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
