I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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