Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
