i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
