i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
