If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
