so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
