you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
