this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
