You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
soo... how was my night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
