went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
