very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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