I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
