Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
