i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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