so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how can u be prego again
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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