hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
