This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
