dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
