clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
