dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
