I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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