Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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