Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
