My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
