I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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