he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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