I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
