I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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