So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
