I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
