I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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