and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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