I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
