4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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