Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
