Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
