If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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