Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
