I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
