Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
