plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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