2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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